Tuesday, June 5, 2012

I am ...... BLESSED!

Wow...I can't believe it's been a year since I last blogged.  Thanks to the encouragement of a very special lady I decided I'd write a post and hopefully I can remember to take the time to do it more often.

A lot of things have happened that have changed my life and way of thinking since I last typed my thoughts, so this blog post will be to catch my "few" readers up.    To start things off God blessed us with a special blessing who was named before we knew whether she was a boy or a girl.  "Jessie" was chosen very early in my pregnancy which means "God is gracious" and Kayt which means "pure"was chosen after my mom.  My pregnancy was interesting as I vomited almost daily for 26 weeks even with meds. It made me rely on my husband and children more.  And I didn't get to put up all the veggies I had originally planned to.  I think God was showing me that sometimes His plans are different than mine, even when I think I have it all figured out.

Jessie has blessed my life beyond measure.  I can't remember life before her.  She is the most content little girl.  She hardly ever cries, will lay in the bed and play, or is happy to just sit in your lap and look around.  She wasn't supposed to be born until January 23rd but God had different plans for us.  With 3 out of 4 babies coming early we decided early on in my pregnancy that we would try the progesterone shots to hopefully delay labor and make it to term.  My labor with Jessie wasn't like the labor with my other four children. It was a lot longer.  I started having contractions on December 30th at around midnight so I thought for sure that she'd be born on New Year's Eve since most of my labors have been around 4-8 hrs but not this one it was 24 hours long not counting the day before when I had been up all day.  Jessie made her appearance into this world on January 1st, 2012 as the New Year's baby in both Lincoln and Moore Counties.  She then started "humming" when she was a few hours old and after a chest xray and two wonderful Docs listening to us we got transferred to Vanderbilt due to her having a pneumothorax and pneumonia. We then spent 10 days in the NICU at Vanderbilt due to her having to receive IV antibiotics. Those were 10 of the most trying days I have experienced in a long time.  They taught me to rely on God more and myself less.  They taught me that material things aren't important. And they taught me that God has a plan for each of us even before we are conceived. 

The day before Jessie was to be discharged from Vanderbilt my sister, Ivy, her husband, Daryl and my niece Molly came to visit.  They wouldn't let Molly in the NICU to see us but Ivy was concerned about the shape of Molly's head so I went out to take a look. I knew immediately that something wasn't right but never in a million years would I have thought that she had brain cancer.  We went home the next day and Molly was admitted to Vanderbilt.  That was the beginning of an event that has forever changed my life and those around me.

Molly had a shunt placed due to hydrocephalus that same week.  The next few weeks she had good days and not so good days. On Feb 13 we found out that Molly had cancer.  We were uncertain at what the next few days held as they did more testing.  We found out later that week that she had AT/RT a rare aggressive form of brain cancer.  She came home for the weekend and we lined up a dear friend and wonderful photographer to come and make family photos at Ivy and Daryl's house.  Molly began chemo the next week.  After the first round of chemo my sister and her husband made the choice that no parent ever wants to make for their child. They decided to stop the chemo and let Molly be at home with us, her family, in her last days.  I am so thankful to them for making that choice.  We got to spend time with our sweet Molly that otherwise would have been spent apart.  My children got to hold her and love her.  We got to capture sweet pictures of Molly and Jessie together that otherwise would have never been captured. 

God blessed our lives when He gave Molly to Ivy and Daryl.  And I am thankful each day that they let me be there the day she was born and the day she went to be with Jesus.  She had a powerful influence over so many lives.  She caused people that I have known for years who always looked for the negative in things to find the positive. (since Molly came along I've not seen one negative thing on her facebook)  Molly gave us all a renewed hope to get to Heaven so that we can be with her again someday.  She made me live out the words "I'll be praying for you" more than I ever had.  I did what I said I would when I told people I was praying instead of just saying it and then kind of "forgetting".  She made me realize that though everyone thinks I have it together, I am far from it.  For without God I am nothing.   She made me realize the important things in life are people and their souls.  And that if my children do nothing more in this life but get to Heaven and teach others how to get there I have done my job.  School got put on the back burner during Jessie's hospitalization and during Molly's illness for LIFE is far more important than facts.  She brought our family closer. I am thankful to God each day for blessing my life with Molly for she has made me a better person.

In the past two months I have been going back to the produce auction.  I love that place :)  I have gotten lots of goodies such as carrots, blueberries, cauliflower, broccoli, squash, cabbage, and lots of other things.   I have put lots of things in the freezer for this winter. I've also become drop manager for a group called Azure Standard the are a natural/organic/bulk food source that you place and order with and they deliver it once a month.  I love it...No more going to Wal-Mart and buying low quality produce and things from who knows where, I can place my order for all month long and have it delivered.

AND We started building our long awaited home....  We were planning to wait until spring next year but with interest rates low and building material low and ....and... and the fact that as a family of 7 living in a 1200 sq ft garage with a burning toilet and 1 shower we are beginning to feel a bit cramped.  It's been a fun process so far.  I can't wait to get it finished and move in.  The girls will have a room, the boys a room, a guest room, a laundry room/closet, pantry, and the kitchen, dining, and living room will be one open space.  Each bedroom has a full bath and we are going to have a loft and small basement.  My luxury items are a commercial stove and dishwasher.  I think we'll all enjoy it since I can cook pancakes and we can all eat them at the same time ;)

Wow...again....I just wrote a mini book~ sorry about that....  maybe next time I won't wait as long :)  I leave you with this verse : John 15:5 I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.  If we aren't in Jesus then we are NOTHING.  Please, if you aren't in Jesus get that way.  There is so much to look forward to when we are in Him and so much to dread when we aren't. 

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